


currents

by sciences



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depictions of death but time loops, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 15:03:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20229817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciences/pseuds/sciences
Summary: Jaemin wakes up before his alarm.(Or an attempt at a time loop fic i wanted to write for jaemday (ノ_<。))





	currents

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday, Nana, aka brightest star in the universe. This one’s for you.
> 
> You can listen to the playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2yPFngsiYmA0eaUVdp6TX3).

**cur•rent**  
/ˈkərənt/  
Noun: a tendency or course of events that is usually the result of an interplay of forces.

I.

Jaemin wakes up before his alarm.

It’s one of his favorite days of the year, alongside his parents’ birthdays, his _haelmoni’s_ birthday, Christmas, New Year, Lunar New Year, White Day. Okay. So maybe, Jaemin likes to celebrate a lot of things.

The sun hasn’t quite risen yet, just how Jaemin likes his mornings.

He quietly gets up from his bed and briefly sees Jisung still sound asleep on the top bunk. He pads over to their bathroom and takes his time in washing away any semblance of sleep left in his system. It’s going to be a great day, after all. He might as well start early.

As he closes his door to their shared bedroom, he feels his phone vibrate. It’s a message from his mom that reads _Good morning, birthday boy! Call me as soon as you read this. >o<_

He heads over to their kitchen, opens the refrigerator and takes out the leftover food from last night, along with the _kimchi_ his parents sent him. He’s in the mood for some _kimchi_ rice. He hopes the others are too. He briefly sees the barely untouched Ryan-shaped coffee cake they surprised him with last night during the surprise ambush Vlive. He mentally notes to take it out later as dessert after breakfast, deems it a much-needed sugar dosage for a possibly tiring pre-recording day for all of them.

He places his phone on the counter and dials his mom’s number, pressing loudspeaker. It rings thrice before his call is picked up.

“Happy Birthday, Nana!”

Jaemin’s heart swells as he unloads some of his mom’s kimchi into the frying pan. He grabs one of their larger spoons and mixes the kimchi with their leftover rice as his mom carries on and finishes singing him a _Happy Birthday._

“What do you want for your birthday, Jaemin-ah?”

“Good morning, Nana!”

Jaemin directs his attention to Renjun, who’s just clearly washed his face but already looks like he can conquer the world.

“Is that Injun? Say hi to him for me. And Jeno, too.”

Renjun sits himself on the stool by the counter and inches forward to speak directly into Jaemin’s phone.

“Good morning Mrs. Na! It’s Jaemin’s birthday today but here he is cooking for us as always.”

He hears Renjun and his mom talk some more as he turns off the stove, transferring the delicious-smelling _kimchi_ rice on one of their larger plates on the dining table. He feels eyes watching him as he does so, perfectly aware of who it is before he even raises his head to look.

But he still does, anyway, just because he can’t help it.

“Good morning, Jaemin-ah. Happy Birthday.”

Jeno’s blonde hair is sticking out everywhere but he still looks…soft.

“Good morning to you too, Jeno. What did you get me this year?” He grins at the older, because that’s how he always is with the other, just woken up or not.

Jeno looks flustered, slight pink tinting his cheeks. He opens his mouth but gets cut off immediately.

“Jeno hyung doesn’t know what else you could possibly need,” Chenle says as he approaches the table, briefly ruffling his orange locks, with a sleepy Jisung following closely behind. “We told him to just tell you—”

“Hey!”

Jeno looks red as a tomato and Jaemin just couldn’t help but feel his heart grow larger at the sight. He beams at Jeno and says, “Gift or no gift, you’re still my best friend, Jeno-yah.”

Normally, Jeno would blush further when he throws around comments like that. But today, Jeno stills, before looking away. He avoids Jaemin’s gaze for the rest of the breakfast, even until they finish almost two thirds of Jaemin’s birthday cake. And even if it doesn’t exactly sit well with Jaemin, he doesn’t voice it out.

Lightning briefly flashes at the gray skies outside, followed by a roaring thunder.

Jaemin briefly hears the monotonous confirmation of the heavy rains for later that day by the weather reporter on television from the living room.

“You sleeping with your folks tonight?” Renjun asks as he wipes their dining table.

Jaemin is carefully rinsing the plates that Renjun has dutifully soaped earlier. When it comes to kitchen duties, Jaemin enjoys working with Renjun the most.

“Yes? Comeback charm and all, you know.”

“I know, I know,” Renjun says. “Chenle’s going home tonight too so the house will feel ten times emptier.”

Jaemin turns around from the sink, resting his gloved left hand over his chest as he dramatically says, “Is this your way of saying you’ll miss me, Injun-ah?”

Renjun replies with a scoff before mumbling something about someone else missing him more.

Jaemin almost asks the other about it but he’s cut off by their manager hyung arriving, announcing that they’re leaving for pre-recording in an hour.

  
Dress rehearsals start smoothly.

Their energy is further multiplied once Donghyuck joins them. Being the mood maker he is, he cracks jokes, including one about Jaemin’s blonde hair soon turning gray saying Jaemin acts too mature sometimes, especially recently, with his multiple trips to different banks for inquiry on investments and retirement funds.

Everyone laughs including Jaemin, who’s just reveling in the warmth and happiness of them six being together again, even under the haze of stress from packed schedules, especially from Donghyuck’s end. Donghyuck cracks more jokes, even looping his arm around Jeno who almost doubles over from laughing at the other’s joke.

Jaemin feels himself smiling at the sight of Jeno smiling. Autopilot, he always claims. Renjun says it’s because Jaemin thrives on happiness that he’s filled with it too, even if he’s just watching from the distance.

But as Jeno laughs some more, eyes crinkling to crescents, something stirs weirdly in Jaemin’s gut. He wonders if it’s the _kimchi_ rice from earlier.

They’ve already switched to today’s wardrobe of varying shades of denim, their faces already made up by the makeup noonas when an obnoxious singing of _Happy Birthday, Jaemin-ah_ fills the dressing room.

It’s Mark, followed by Johnny and Jaehyun. They must somehow have their schedules free for today seeing as they’re clad in casual clothing. Johnny finishes the singing and dramatically offers heaps of boxes in plastics on each of their laps.

“Time to do well, kids. We brought you chicken!”

After a few bites of some of the garlic parmesan-laden chicken, and a few sips from the Gongcha milktea that Mark and the hyungs have brought, Mark approaches Jaemin, squeezing his shoulders as if to ease some tension away.

“Happy Birthday, Jaemin-ah. Go easy on Jeno today, will you?”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow in question to that but one of the stage assistants start calling out for them, saying they need to head backstage in five minutes.

“What do you want to receive for your birthday?”

Jaemin reads the question written by the staff and feels himself immediately smiling from ear to ear as he looks at the camera to say, “Czennie’s love, of course!”

A follow-up question is raised. It reads _What do you want to receive from your members?_

“Nothing, really.” Jaemin grins wider, and continues. “The love they have for me is enough.”

The members make varying gagging noises from his answer, all except for Jeno who has his eyebrows creased.

As the cameraman signals the end of their interview prior to heading off to the stage, Jaemin finds himself watching Jeno’s denim clothed back, Mark’s words ringing clear in his ear.

Jeno must have felt eyes on him somehow and turns to Jaemin, catches him staring, but like earlier, he looks away.

They soon get called into the stage and pre-record for a couple of times.

Jaemin lets himself fall into performing, drowns in the blinding lights and cheers of their fans at the studio, filing away all Jeno thoughts away, for unpacking on some other day.

They finish pre-recording and settle at the dressing room while they wait to be called out to join the other artists for the finale.

The television shows Jeno and CLC’s Yeeun MC-ing when Jaemin finds himself replaying Mark’s words over and over. Jeno’s particularly evasive today and Jaemin doesn’t like it one bit.

“Renjun-ah,” he calls out, snapping himself out of his Jeno reverie.

“Where’d you guys wanna eat later?”

Renjun grins at him. “Glad you asked. We have a lot of suggestions.”

Jaemin almost asks him but Renjun calls Donghyuck over to enumerate their rather long list of restaurants they’d want to try.

And when Jaemin’s phone lights up to a text from his mom saying, _Can’t wait to see you later, Nana! Your room missed you a lot_, Jaemin thinks today can still be the best day ever.

After careful deliberation of the restaurants in their list of choices, they end up celebrating his birthday dinner at one of their favorite restaurants that serve Gaesong mandu that lies in the heart of Insadong.

Mark joins them, sits himself beside Jaemin. And Jaemin thinks it’s perfect because he’d have the chance to fish out the details of Mark’s ominous instructions earlier.

But Donghyuck and Chenle are too loud and everyone is too hyper especially when _soju_ and a bunch of _makgeolli_ come out, the adrenaline of the comeback clearly permeating in the air, combined with the celebration of Jaemin’s birthday aka a chance to go out like this, with all seven of them, just like old times. So Jaemin never gets to ask Mark. He makes a mental note of calling and asking the elder tomorrow. Everyone’s too caught up in the haze of celebration anyways.

The dinner ends with Jaemin getting into a different car from the rest of them. They have a fansign in Busan tomorrow so one of their manager hyungs, Shihyun hyung, insisted on the others going straight to the dorms to rest early even if they’d all wanted to drop Jaemin home to celebrate the last few hours of his birthday with him, even if it’s just inside the confines of their service vehicle.

When he hugs each of them goodbye, Jeno hugs him tighter than the rest, whispering a _Sorry, Nana. I can’t give you your gift today._ Jaemin brushes it off with a smile and assures the other it’s okay but somehow Jeno’s face remains in his mind as he gets into the car.

It’s the last thing Jaemin remembers before The Beatles’ _All You Need is Love_ starts to play from the speakers as the traffic light on the intersection changes from red to green, before a ten-wheeler trailer truck flies by from out of nowhere, prompting Shihyun hyung to take a sharp turn.

Jaemin hears tires screeching, the heavy downpour of the rain outside banging loudly against the roof of the car, his heart thrashing ever so wildly against his chest.

As he sees them heading straight into a nearby glass-windowed restaurant, he closes his eyes and braces himself for impact.

It never comes.

II.

Jaemin wakes up before his alarm.

It’s one of his favorite days of the year, alongside his parents’ birthdays, his _haelmoni’_s birthday, Christmas, New Year, Lunar New Year, White Day. Okay. So maybe, Jaemin likes to celebrate a lot of things.

_Huh._

The sun hasn’t quite risen yet, just how Jaemin likes his mornings.

_Weird._

He quietly gets up from his bed and briefly sees Jisung still sound asleep on the top bunk.

_Wait._

He pads over to their bathroom and takes his time in washing away any semblance of sleep left in his system. It’s going to be a great day, after all. He might as well start early.

_Weird_, he thinks again. Even his monologue feels like _deja vu_.

As he closes his door to their shared bedroom, he feels his phone vibrate. He finds his hand shaking as his thumb unlocks his screen.

It’s a message from his mom that reads _Good morning, birthday boy! Call me as soon as you read this. >o<_

Jaemin’s breath stutters.

_What the fuck?_

Jaemin tries to shake off the eerie feeling of _deja vu_ because that’s clearly it right? He opens their refrigerator and finds the leftover food from last night—or er technically, from two nights ago, as per Jaemin’s memory—and his parents’ _kimchi_ with a great portion of it still untouched as if Jaemin haven’t gotten a handful chunk of it yesterday, if he can call it yesterday.

He decides to think of yesterday—or well, his dream, as just a really detailed one and perhaps, it really just is as he confirms his Ryan-shaped coffee cake to still be in the same condition it was in. He idly wonders if his day will end in the same way, equal portions of fear and curiosity stirring in his gut as he goes by the rest of the events for the day.

But when all the conversations happen as they are from their simple breakfast all the way to pre-recording, not one line out of place, from Renjun, from Chenle, from Jeno and even those ominous words of advice from Mark about Jeno, Jaemin finds himself bracing himself for the swerving of the car hours before it’s even meant to happen.

And as he gets into the car when he parts ways with the members after their dinner at the mandu place in Insadong, with the heavy downpour of the rain trying to compete with the restlessness of Jaemin’s mind, he feels himself shaking, swallowing nervously because he knows it’s coming. Dread fills him as if he can’t do anything to stop it as the radio starts playing The Beatles’ _All You Need is Love._

Before he knows it, a ten-wheeler trailer truck flies by from out of nowhere prompting Shihyun hyung to take a sharp turn. Jaemin hears tire screeching, the heavy downpour of the rain outside banging loudly against the roof of the car, his heart thrashing ever so wildly against his chest.

As he sees them heading straight into a nearby glass-windowed restaurant just like it did in his dream, he closes his eyes and braces himself for impact.

It never comes.

III.

Jaemin wakes up before his alarm, for the third time and by this time he’s sure something’s fucked.

It’s one of his favorite days of the year but as he looks at Jisung still sound asleep on the other bed, and briefly glances at the huge August 13 sitting on the screen of his phone, he’s beginning to think otherwise.

It’s further confirmed by his mom’s message that arrives on the dot.

_Good morning, birthday boy! Call me as soon as you read this. >o<_

He feels his hand shaking, almost dropping his phone.

_What the fuck is going on?_

For good measure, Jaemin tries to keep it together.

He tries to not flinch at how perfectly accurate everything is happening right before his own two eyes. Everything in the same exact order.

On the way to pre-recording, he tries to search the internet about dreams within dreams but results only go as far as reviews and in-depth analysis of _Inception._

He encounters _‘time loop’_ along the way but is still somehow convinced his mind is just in a state of concentric dreaming because there’s no way can the same fucking day be happening to him right? With everything in the same fucking order, the day ending in the same fucking way—for the third time tonight if Jaemin doesn’t get to the bottom of all this to stop it.

But somehow, his curiosity trumps his paranoia, that when he hears the radio starts to play The Beatles’ _All You Need is Love_, he finds himself in awe as the ten-wheeler trailer truck flies by out of nowhere as if on perfect beat prompting Shihyun hyung to take a sharp turn, the heavy downpour of rain outside cascading the sound of their tires screeching.

And as he sees them heading straight into a nearby glass-windowed restaurant just like it did in his dream, and the dream before that, he closes his eyes thinking _Oh shit. Here we go—_

  
IV.

Jaemin wakes up before his alarm.

He sits up and almost tears his blonde hair out in frustration as he sees the August 13 on his phone, already deliberating if time loops are indeed a thing or if he’s just really going crazy.

Jaemin is kind of seething with rage now, as he chews the chicken Mark, Jaehyun and Johnny brought for them. At this point, he almost wants to scream at Mark when he says “Happy Birthday, Jaemin-ah. Go easy on Jeno today, will you?” because duh, Jaemin’s definitely not in the mood to hear lectures when the universe seems to be fucking with his day and his mind—his sanity, even.

But he continues to persist, carefully going by the day as accurately as he remembers from his first three August Thirteens. Jaemin has no idea how the rules of a time loop work but he’s pretty sure there’s no point in letting everyone know about the dilemma that only seems to be happening to him.

He’s actually a tiny bit flattered that the universe has appointed him as some kind of superhero—being the only one to know what’s going on so naturally, it’s his destiny to be the one to stop it and restore the proper flow of time, right?

And even if Jeno’s looks of worry are somehow much more apparent this time around especially after Jaemin answers _Nothing, really. The love they have for me is enough._ to the question _What do you want to receive from your members?_ Jaemin pays no mind.

Instead, he goes through all the possible ways to avoid the accident and gets a eureka moment thinking if he can just simply not be there at the intersection when the ten-wheeler trailer truck fly by out of nowhere.

He considers going through the accident again, just to note the exact time it will start to occur for his reference for his next today and thinks that hey, at least he’s somewhat invincible, right? _Kinda?_

So when Renjun and Donghyuck grin at him through their makeup, saying they want to eat their favorite mandu in Insadong for dinner, Jaemin chalks up all the cheer he can muster and beams at them as he says, “Sure. Let’s have the best mandu on this best day ever.”

V.

When Jaemin wakes up before his alarm for the fifth time, he decides his gameplan for the day.

He washes his face with renewed vigor and goes over the things that have been happening to him for his past three birthdays—Jaemin would laugh at this all—once he breaks the loop—but for now, he’s more challenged than ever to figure things out and break the fucking loop.

He observes that some things are truly outside of his control, especially the things the other members say, and all the actions that aren’t caused by Jaemin in one way or another. All except for choosing to go home later that night, which is well, what leads Jaemin to the accident which occurs at exactly half past eleven, the reset button to his never-ending August 13.

So as soon as they get off stage after greeting the fans that watched them, Jaemin texts his mom _I’m sorry but we’re leaving early for our schedule tomorrow. Rain check for tonight? I’ll stay over on the weekend. I promise._ Once he hits send, there’s a looming sense of guilt on the pit of his stomach knowing his parents miss him as much as he misses them. But Jaemin is hell-bent on breaking the fuck out of this loop so his mom and dad will have to wait.

And technically, if he wants to see his parents for real, he would have to get through today, as much as he has to, in order to break the loop.

When Jaemin announces not sleeping over at his house over dinner, everyone is surprised, especially Jeno, who stills from across the table. He looks at Jaemin as if to say _Are you sure?_ Jaemin nods at him and smiles, hoping Jeno could read _It’s okay. I’m okay,_ from his lips. When Jeno looks at him for a while longer, Jaemin wonders if he could tell Jeno about the fuckery of this time loop. He’s actually forgotten about Mark’s ominous Jeno warning and really, Jaemin wishes to unpack that but alas, he’s got a time loop to break, so.

As they step outside, the courtyard of Gyeongin museum in sight, and no trace of any rain falling from the night sky any time now, Jaemin feels a little triumphant.

Mark, Donghyuck and Chenle get into the other car by themselves while he and the others ride in the other one. Jaemin notes that he’s in a different car this time around, and not the car he’s always rode in the other versions of today. He looks outside, at the streets they pass by then back to his phone with the huge 11:29 on top of the screen.

It’s odd, alright. He’s pretty sure some conversations were altered and yet here they are still doing things on the dot. Jaemin has a strong feeling it will be different this time, though.

Different car, different destination.

For a second he thinks he’s finally won.

“Make sure to rest well tonight for tomorrow,” Shihyun hyung says from the driver’s seat. “Ï’ll pick you guys up before lunch.”

Jaemin swallows nervously before replying “Sure”, drowned by everyone else’s enthusiastic “Yes, hyung!”

He’s too absorbed avoiding his destination that he completely missed the fact that it’s still Shihyun hyung in the driver’s seat this time around.

And as soon as the realization hits him, like clockwork, raindrops start to fall.

For a moment, he thinks of the possibility of Mark, Donghyuck and Chenle getting into the accident instead of him so he reaches to his phone, fingers ready to type a message, slightly bothered by the 11:30 on top of his phone screen.

The Beatles’ _All You Need is Love_ starts to blast inside their car, breaking his reverie. He’s frozen on his seat, and drops his phone to the floor of the car.

“Jaem?”

He feels Jeno’s careful grip on his arm and he looks at him, and Jaemin doesn’t know what he looks like right now. His mouth feels like acid, the contents of his stomach ready to lurch forward and find their way out of his system, almost too prepared for what happens next.

“Hyung, look out!”

Jaemin’s eyes shot up to Renjun in front and then to the car up front that shows up out of nowhere, slamming straight at them.

The impact is quick, loud, with his members’ screams in the background heightening everything into Jaemin’s personal worst nightmare before a piercing silence takes over.

The last thing Jaemin registers is Jeno’s tight grip on his hand growing limp and him, coughing up what he smells to be blood as he shakes in fucking terror and guilt for the tragedy he brought upon all of them before everything goes black.

  
VI.

Jaemin wakes up before his alarm.

He immediately goes up to the top bunk to Jisung to check if he’s alive and breathing. He shakes the youngest, once, twice, thrice and a couple more before the other makes a noise of annoyance and mumbles an _I wanna sleep for a little longer, please, hyung._

He retracts his hands from the youngest, not knowing what to do with them, still shaking as he sprints outside the hallway, barging straight into Renjun’s bedroom.

Renjun gets up as he takes in the sight of him, probably looking like a crazy mess, too crazy for six in the morning.

He closes the distance anyways and hugs the older in a tight embrace, his hands still very much shaking as he rests them on the other’s back, warm and very much alive. Renjun makes a confused sound before returning his hug.

“Hey, you’re okay, now, Nana,” Renjun whispers, his hands patting his back in a soothing motion.

“Am I?”

He detaches himself from Renjun and feels a pair of eyes watching them, watching him.

Jaemin looks at Jeno, who has let himself in, closing the door to Renjun’s bedroom. His blonde hair sticks out everywhere, eyes clearly spelling just woken up. But he’s there, very much alive and breathing, very much concerned at the commotion that Jaemin is causing. For a moment, Jaemin feels the ghost of Jeno’s iron grip on his hands as he sees the waterfall of glass and rain pour inside their car.

Jaemin looks at Renjun again and then back to Jeno.

_Maybe it’s time to change strategies, Jaemin-ah._

  
“So I die first in your fucked up dream?” Renjun asks nonchalantly as he wipes the dining table.

Jaemin shakes his head. “No. I didn’t see you die first per se, you’re just sitting in the front seat and screamed first when that random car showed up out of nowhere and hit ours.” He turns on the faucet, rinsing the soap off their plates.

“It was slow then it was quick and then it was slow again, before everything went black and I woke up in my bed as if none of it ever happened except it did.” He turns off the faucet. “I’m sure it did.”

“Oh.”

Renjun’s always loved science fiction films. Jaemin wanted to tell both Renjun and Jeno about his fucked up time loop dilemma but Jeno still avoided his gaze during breakfast earlier. And if that doesn’t spell out _Don’t talk to me about your time loop problems_ then Jaemin doesn’t know what does.

“And it’s your what, fourth time experiencing the dream? But it’s a different version somehow? Because you decided you’re not heading to your parent’s house for the night?”

Jaemin nods, leaning at the sink. “And a car got us this time unlike from before where it’s a ten-wheeler trailer truck that flies by out of nowhere and Shihyun hyung driving the car straight into a glass-walled restaurant. Some force out there just don’t want to see me live past today.” Jaemin offers a broken grin. “It’s so fucked up and I don’t even know if I can call it a dream because it all feels too real.”

Jaemin swallows nervously, too afraid to admit something but he braves it. “Even now.”

Renjun stops from wiping, and looks at Jaemin with pity.

“Talking to you feels real but then I could get into a random car later and have some random vehicle come at me and then I hit reset and wake up again.”

Jaemin looks down at his socked feet, bitter-sweetly smiling at himself celebrating his birthday over and over but not really celebrating. It’s so fucked up and Jaemin just wants to scream his head off.

“Have you tried figuring out what needs to be corrected earlier in the day?”

Jaemin looks up to Renjun, who looks like he’s in deep contemplation. “What do you mean?”

“We don’t know how this works but maybe when you try to change something towards the end of the night without really thinking it through, it might give you an even worse outcome.” Renjun says, crossing his arms. “Maybe you need to go over all the events in the original timeline and figure what’s off and work on correcting it.”

“So I just let things happen again? And observe?”

Renjun nods, offering him a weak smile. “Don’t tell me how to act either, Jaemin-ah. If what you say is true and everything just always resets, except for what you know, then chances are I might forget again tomorrow—or well today, technically.”

Jaemin closes his eyes and thinks that yes, Renjun is right, Jaemin is the only unaffected variable in this time loop fuckery so he really needs to figure things out by himself.

“We can tell Shihyun hyung you’re not feeling well, Nana.”

“No.” Jaemin pushes himself from the sink, taking off his kitchen gloves. “If anyone’s going to break this loop then it’s going to be me.”

  
This time, Jaemin tries his best to not flinch when Donghyuck insists he wants their favorite mandu from Insadong for dinner. He avoids Renjun’s gaze but finds himself caught in someone else’s. Later as they get out of the car and into the streets of Insadong, Jaemin feels a tug on his arm as he’s gently pulled aside.

“If you don’t like mandu for your birthday, you should have said so, Jaemin-ah,” Jeno says, his makeup slightly washed out but still beautifully adorns his face. Well, Jeno’s always beautiful to Jaemin anyways, but that’s beside the point.

“You can always tell me anything.”

Jaemin smiles because he can’t help it. And when Jeno’s cheeks slightly turn red, he beams even wider. This change in script is refreshing. Maybe Jaemin should talk to Jeno more on his next August Thirteens.

Jaemin goes in for a hug just because he feels like doing it. Jeno freezes before hugging him back.

“Is something going on, Jaemin-ah?”

Jaemin shakes his head as he detaches himself from Jeno, already missing the other’s warmth, probably even Jaemin’s favorite kind of warmth.

“No,” he says, suddenly feeling recharged. “But maybe I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

When Mark arrives and sits himself down next to Jaemin, he feels a squeeze in his hand. Renjun widens his eyes at him as if saying _It’s exactly like in your dreams._ And Jaemin just weakly laughs at him before turning to Jeno who’s still looking at him utmost concern and worry. Somehow it makes Jaemin feel like maybe, just maybe things are going to be okay.

“This is stupid. We could drop you off and see if anything different happens. We’ve never ridden the car together to your house yet, Nana.”

Jaemin laughs as he breaks free from Renjun’s vice-like grip. “We might die together again on the way to my house. We can’t risk the loop breaking in the midst of us all dying for real.” He turns off the faucet and takes out some paper towel to dry his hands with. “And I thought we weren’t going to cheat my way out, Injun-ah?”

“It’s not cheating—” Renjun closes his eyes in frustration. “Are you really sure you have to die by yourself?”

Jaemin quirks an eyebrow. “I think you mean re-born.”

The older’s shoulders sag in defeat. “So what are you planning to do?”

Jaemin smiles as he inches forward, just enough for his voice to be heard. “That darn song starts playing at around eleven thirty, aka my time of death—er time of reset.”

He raises his phone to the other and taps on it, humming. “If I arrive at that intersection a few minutes later, maybe I could avoid the car and the accident altogether.”

“And what if it doesn’t work?”

Jaemin grins. “Then I’ll try again tomorrow.”

Renjun smiles at him with worry. Maybe telling Renjun wasn’t a good idea. The older isn’t the one going thru the sadistic time loop, after all. He briefly looks back at the members, Mark excitedly speaking about something as Jeno stops Chenle and Jisung from drinking some of the alcohol.

“Jeno said something that I’ve heard for the first time in all five versions of today.”

“And what is that?”

“Nothing too important. It’s just that—” Jaemin makes a move to return to their table, already seeing the waitress hand out their bill to Mark. “It made me feel that I have something to look forward to, even if he won’t remember it.”

“Figures he’d do something out of the ordinary. That’s Jeno for you.” Renjun says as he opens his palm under the dryer. “Well, of course, he’d pay attention to you most especially.”

It’s Jaemin’s turn to ask. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Maybe you should ask Jeno. He’s the one who wished you get the best day ever, after all.”

Jaemin would ask Jeno about what Renjun had told him but he’s too fixated on testing his Delay Time of Travel hypothesis to even try and drag Jeno into his mess, even if just for an hour or so until everything resets.

But of course, as Jaemin hugs him goodbye, Jeno whispers something to him. It’s something that will keep on replaying in his head as he steps inside the car, steps right into his own personal merry-go-round, complete with The Beatles’ _All You Need is Love_ playing in the car’s radio even if it’s already a few minutes before midnight—which he almost misses because of thinking about Jeno.

But Jaemin lets Jeno’s words sink in, a promise that calms his down as he hears the tires screeching, as he feels himself launching forward, as he closes his eyes, bracing himself for the impact that never comes.

“I have something to tell you tomorrow, too, Jaemin-ah.”

VII.

Jaemin wakes up before his alarm.

It’s one of his favorite days of the year, alongside his parents’ birthdays, his _haelmoni’_s birthday, Christmas, New Year, Lunar New Year, White Day. Okay. So maybe, Jaemin likes to celebrate a lot of things.

The sun hasn’t quite risen yet, just how Jaemin likes his mornings, even if they’ve been hellishly repetitive—for the lack of a better word—for the past few—er days.

He quietly gets up from his bed and briefly sees Jisung still sound asleep on the top bunk. He pads over to their bathroom to wash any semblance of sleep left in his system. It’s going to be a great day, after all. He might as well start early.

As he closes his door to their shared bedroom, he feels his phone vibrate.

_Right on time._

It’s a message from his mom that reads _Good morning, birthday boy! Call me as soon as you read this. >o< _

He heads over to their kitchen, opens the refrigerator and takes out the leftover food from last night, along with the _kimchi_ his parents sent him. He’s in the mood for some _kimchi_ rice. He hopes the others are too, as they were yesterday, the day before that, and all the days before. Jaemin is actually on the verge of losing count now but hey, there’s no rule you should count your days when you’re stuck in a time loop, right? He smiles as he cuts his internal monologue, feeling silly all of a sudden.

He places his phone on the counter and dials his mom’s number, pressing loudspeaker. It rings thrice before his call is picked up.

“Happy Birthday, Nana!”

Jaemin’s heart swells yet again as he unloads some of his mom’s _kimchi_ into the frying pan. He grabs one of their larger spoons and mixes the _kimchi_ with their leftover rice as his mom carries on and finishes singing him a _Happy Birthday_. He wonders how different it’ll feel once he hears his mom sing it to his face. It’s a good thought to look forward to, he realizes.

“What do you want for your birthday, Jaemin-ah?”

“Good morning, Nana!”

Jaemin directs his attention to Renjun, who’s just clearly washed his face but already looks like he can conquer the world.

Before he can even continue to hear Renjun and his mom talk some more about tea and hotpot or whatever else they talk about, he sprints past the doors to his and Jisung’s shared bedroom and Renjun’s own bedroom. He sprints towards the far end of the hallway. He’s about to grab the handle when the door opens to a sleepy Jeno.

“Good morning, Jaemin-ah. Happy Birthday.”

Jeno’s blonde hair is sticking out everywhere but he still looks…soft.

“Good morning to you too, Jeno.” He grins at the older, because that’s how he always is with the other, just woken up or not, time loop Jeno or not.

Jeno looks flustered, slight pink tinting his cheeks. He opens his mouth but Jaemin cuts him off immediately, gently pushing him back inside the bedroom and closing the door behind him to lean on it.

“What’s going on, Nana?”

“What did you get me this year?” Jaemin asks directly, intent on finding out if it’s the thing Jeno wants to tell him. “I know it’s supposed to be a surprise but it’s really important that you tell me what it is right now.”

Jeno looks like he wants to protest but heaves a heavy sigh instead. “I haven’t bought a gift for you yet, Jaemin-ah.”

_Huh._

Jaemin wants to say he’s disappointed but he’s really more confused at this point. He actually had the weird gut feeling that whatever might Jeno tell him may be some sort of clue to finally breaking the loop.

_Well_, Jaemin thinks dejectedly, he could still appoint Jeno as his ally, right?

“You’re not going to believe this but you told me to tell you everything today, Jeno-yah.” Jaemin swallows nervously. “Do you trust me?”

Jeno’s eyebrows crease in thought for a second before he nods.

“Tell me what color of underwear you’re wearing today.”

“Jaemin-ah!”

“I promise this is very important, Jeno-ya.”

Jeno looks like he wants to refuse but he tugs down his pajamas anyways, just enough for a peek on his Calvin Klein blue briefs.

“Jesus, Jeno, I only told you to tell me, not show me!”

Jeno makes a face at him and Jaemin resists the urge to coo. “But how will you know I’m telling the truth?”

Jaemin hums in thought. “Well, if you must know, this—” he points to Jeno’s pajamas. “—will be helpful information for me tomorrow to convince the _you_ of tomorrow.”

The older makes a confused puppy sound and again, Jaemin’s fingers find themselves itching to just pinch the older’s cheek, and maybe kiss him? Frankly, Jaemin doesn’t know what’s going on with his mind at this point.

Instead, he sits down on Jeno’s bed, heaving a sigh. “I’m stuck reliving this day over and over, Jeno-ya and I don’t know how to break it.”

Jeno regards him carefully before plopping down beside him on his bed. He’s looking at the ground before looking back up at Jaemin before opening his mouth.

“Okay. How can I help?”

“I don’t know how to explain it.” Chenle says before sipping from his Gongcha. “I tried telling Kun hyung but of course, he doesn’t have answers for me either, hyung.”

They’re in their dressing room, waiting to be called for the finale where they’ll join everyone on the stage for the announcement of the winner for that week’s The Show.

Upon Jeno’s suggestion, Jaemin will now dedicate a day for each member, figuring out what could be going on with them that’s somehow related to the fuckery that is the time loop that for some reason chose to take over Jaemin’s life, starting with the members he’s had the most interaction with, during his never-ending August 13. For today, he started with Chenle.

“Don’t you worry about next year, hyung?” Chenle looks at him, mildly brushing off the dirt stuck on the ends of his orange hair. Jaemin briefly remembers Chenle coming to their dorm sporting his new purple hair just because _He had the urge to._ Jaemin wishes he could do the same.

“I trust the management, really, but sometimes it just keeps me at night you know? I don’t have subjects or exams or school festivals to worry about but sometimes I wish I did. Or at least, I wish I have set schedules to look forward to.”

Jaemin swallows. The future isn’t really one of the topics he’s particularly enthused about. He’s more of a live in the moment kind of person. And well, the universe kind of took it literally.

“Jisung and I talk about it sometimes. And Renjun hyung too. How about you?”

Jaemin taps on the side of his Gongcha cup. He didn’t think he’d actually have to make proper conversations apart from the usual ones he had in the earlier iterations of today. For a moment, he contemplates on how much more different conversations he’ll be having in his quest to correct what needs to be corrected.

“I have Jeno.” He answers simply just because he doesn’t know what else to say.

“Of course.” Chenle says, sipping from his Gongcha again, a knowing smile on his lips. “And he has you.”

The _What’s that supposed to mean_ never comes out of Jaemin’s lips as one of the staff calls them out for the finale.

“So you think it has nothing to do with Chenle?”

Jaemin hums through the phone, as he leans comfortably on his seat, as if he’s not minutes away from the accident he’s grown used to welcoming. “Nope. Let’s hope I find better luck with Jisung tomorrow.”

“And will you be using my briefs and tell me this again?”

Jaemin can’t help the laughter that escapes his throat. He feels so warm. He idly wonders why he’s never tried telling Jeno before.

“Of course. Who else would I tell if not you?”

“Renjun? You talk about lots of things with him.”

“Is Lee Jeno jealous?”

“And what if I am?” Jeno gasps. “Oh, shit.” Jaemin hears movement from the other line, as if Jeno’s transferring his phone from one ear to another. “I forget you’ll remember everything no matter what happens.”

“And you won’t.” Jaemin closes his eyes in frustration, realizing he’s still got to figure his way out of this time loop.

“You don’t have to go through this alone.” Jeno says and Jaemin remains quiet. “You’ll make sure I remember tomorrow right, Jaemin-ah?”

“Yes. I’ll tell you again tomorrow, and on all the other tomorrows, until we break the loop.”

“Good.” Jaemin hears his heart skip a beat, amidst the heavy downpour of rain outside. “See you tomorrow, Jaemin-ah.”

Jaemin finds himself smiling as he ends the call, already hearing the first bars of The Beatles’ _All You Need is Love_ playing in the radio. He closes his eyes before even feeling the car take a sharp turn, already somehow looking forward to how he’ll make the most out of tomorrow.

VIII.

The shift from the look of surprise in Jeno’s face to something much more familiar, more _Jeno_, is fascinating to Jaemin. He briefly wonders how many times more will he get to witness it, how many times more will he need to use Jeno’s briefs again to get Jeno on his side on future iterations of today.

Even though it’s technically a day supposedly dedicated to Jisung, Jaemin finds himself clinging to Jeno more, attuned to the other even if they’re not attached at the hip. Jaemin finds it thrilling to have this sort of secret mission with his best friend. Exchanging knowing looks from far sides of a room is nothing new to them. But with the fuckery of the time loop looming above his head—or above their heads, as Jeno corrects him—somehow, the excitement feels higher.

And even if Jaemin ends up with nothing substantial again by the end of his night, as he leans back at his seat waiting for his inevitable demise, Jaemin is soothed by Jeno’s voice from the other side of the line. It grounds him, seemingly tethering him to the ground even before the prelude to the crash.

When Jaemin ends the call, he decides to ask Shihyun hyung about the radio station he’s listening to. He gets surprised as he’s told it’s actually his daughter’s CD playing and how it’s their favorite song, that listening to it on his way home soothes away all the exhaustion of his day’s work.

When Jaemin closes his eyes, before the car even makes a sharp turn, he whispers a promise to both himself and Shihyun hyung.

_We’ll come home soon, hyung. I’ll make sure of it._

IX.

On his next try of _today_, Jaemin finds himself dragging on almost every conversation with Jeno, on every chance he gets.

He’s supposed to focus on Renjun today but he can’t help but make the most out of his time with Jeno since it’s Jeno’s turn to be observed tomorrow, meaning Jaemin shouldn’t be telling him about his blue Calvin Klein briefs, meaning he isn’t allowed to have Jeno as his confidante tomorrow.

Just the thought of it makes Jaemin a little lost again. Time loops can go fuck themselves for all he cares.

His reverie is broken as Mark approaches him, squeezing his shoulders as if to ease some tension away.

“Happy Birthday, Jaemin-ah. Go easy on Jeno today, will you?”

Jaemin wants to tear his hair out, in frustration from everyone’s—albeit from different versions of today’s everyone—ominous warning about Jeno. As he gets directed to the side of the stage for an interview, Jaemin gets an idea.

“What do you want to receive for your birthday?”

Jaemin reads the question, as he normally does to the camera and he knows that when he answers “Czennie’s love” he really means it but this time he wants to shake things up.

The follow-up question is raised. Jaemin knows it by heart now. _What do you want to receive from your members?_

“Nothing, really.” Jaemin grins wider, and continues. “But can I ask my members what they would want to give me for my birthday, instead?”

The staff next to them and the cameraman exchange glances before giving Jaemin a nod in response.

The segment might probably get cut and Jaemin’s fate for later that night might be affected but he gestures to his members anyways, to say their answers to the camera.

It’s Renjun who goes first, as expected of the oldest, the rightful most reliable member next to Mark. “Knife set? He’s been complaining about having limited tools for his kitchen adventures.”

Jaemin grins, because of course, Renjun would want to give him something like that.

“I already gave him camera lens for his new hobby,” Chenle pipes. “But I’ll gift hyung a watch too, just like what I gave Renjun hyung and Haechan hyung.” Jaemin mouths a _Thank You_ and makes a mental note to be surprised when he does receive it for real in the future.

Jisung scratches his neck in thought before he says, “Socks. He loved the ones we gave him before.”

“An electric toothbrush!” Donghyuck pipes, looking at him knowingly. “To match the one I gave Jeno on his birthday last year.”

Jaemin laughs, turning to the last person who has yet to give an answer, the person whose answer he values the most.

“The sea,” Jeno says simply, looking intently at the camera as if Jaemin’s not watching. “We didn’t have much time to ourselves when we filmed a show in Busan last month. So it would be nice if I can take him there, without cameras following us around, with the sun up and shining.”

Renjun’s _Well, of course, he’d pay attention to you most especially_ replays itself inside the confines of Jaemin’s mind that he misses their cue that their interview is over.

It plays in a loop inside his head up until the end of their pre-recording.

And when they take a bow, Jeno’s fingers intertwined tightly with his, in front of the nine hundred or so fans gathered in the studio, Jaemin thinks _Fuck it._

When Jeno lets go and smiles at him as they revel in the cheers of their fans in front of them, Jaemin grabs Jeno by the navy blue denim jacket Jaemin’s grown to love and pulls him in.

Before Jeno could even react, Jaemin kisses him.

Out of everyone’s reactions, the one repeating question that plays and plays in Jaemin’s head as they head back to their dressing room is _What were you thinking?_

Jaemin doesn’t register who asks it, if it’s one of their manager hyungs, or Renjun or Mark or maybe even Jeno, who Jaemin sees is nowhere in sight as he scans the room.

Poor guy must be hiding out somewhere, panicking over his career possibly going down the drain which Jaemin thinks is unfair because it’s Jaemin who initiated the kiss anyways which they can definitely prove once they replay the footage of their bow earlier.

Jaemin tastes a hint of guilt and a little bit of the Gongcha taro milk tea Jeno drank earlier. He zips in his hoodie as he makes way to the common bathroom.

He’s re-living the feeling of Jeno’s lips against his when he opens the bathroom door to the sight of Jeno, still clearly flustered from earlier. Jaemin wants nothing more than to pull Jeno towards him again and kiss the living daylights out of the other who just really makes Jaemin’s heart feel all warm and gooey and crazy.

_Fuck._

He’s really all over the place now, he guesses.

It’s Jeno who speaks up first, swallowing nervously before he does. “You know you could have given me some sort of heads up that you were gonna—”

“Kiss you?”

The blush in Jeno’s cheeks spread even more. Jaemin gets the urge to hold them in his palms, see if they’re as warm from the blushing and maybe leave a kiss or two, with Jeno’s permission of course.

“Is this part of breaking the loop?” Jeno asks him. “Jaemin?”

Jaemin doesn’t notice how he’s suddenly making his way towards Jeno, whose breathing grows shallower with every step forward from Jaemin.

“Is kissing me your way home, Jaemin-ah?”

Jaemin shakes his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Then why’d you do it?”

Jaemin smiles at Jeno, wishing he could come up with an explanation for acting on impulse. But he doesn’t.

“I just wanted to.”

“Oh.”

“Please stay still,” Jaemin pleas, as he inches further forward, tucking his chin into Jeno’s shoulder, completely resting his body on the other’s. He closes his eyes and lets himself breathe. “Give me two minutes.”

Jeno complies, staying still. He even takes it a step further and wraps his arms around Jaemin in an embrace, a little unsure but still laced with a sense of safety, a sense of Jeno. Jaemin almost wants to cry.

The interview, Jeno’s answer, the kiss.

Jaemin has honestly no idea about how the rest of this day will go, if things will happen as they are, or if by some magical stroke of luck, they’ll somehow break the loop with that unscripted kiss.

But as he inhales and exhales some more, focusing on the soothing motions of Jeno’s hand on his back, he finds himself calming down.

And as he thinks about it, amidst all the fuckery, he’s still glad he’s got Jeno. Because Jeno’s both his anchor and the ocean.

He makes a move to return the hug, hoping the other is okay with it, okay with _this._

“I’m glad the universe allowed me to have you, at least,” Jaemin whispers to which Jeno laughs lightly, the feeling of it echoing throughout Jaemin’s chest.

“Then make sure to make me remember again, tomorrow, Jaemin-ah.”

He hugs the other tighter in response. So tight, with the remaining amount of energy still left in his worn out body. He hugs Jeno as if they no longer have tomorrow.

Because regardless of all possible outcomes, Jaemin’s pretty sure _this_ is the only crash he’s willing to fall into.

They’re about to exit the vicinity of the SBS Prism Tower when Jaemin notices the first drops of rainfall.

He thinks back to his earlier todays, wondering if it rained this early in those versions.

As each of them make their way to the car, straight into the remaining hours of the day that Jaemin has already experienced more times than he can handle, Jaemin decides to take a detour and test a new theory.

He scans and sees the nearest road to the nearest intersection he remembers around the area.

The moment he finds an opening, he makes a run for it.

He runs and runs until the screams of their manager hyungs and his members, and Jeno, get drowned by the increasing heavy downpour. He runs and runs so fast as if he’s the crashing waves hitting the shoreline of the ocean.

As the rainfall gets heavier, hitting his skin as if it desires to pierce his skin with how heavy it is, Jaemin focuses on running for his life. He focuses on running as fast as he can to the nearest intersection in the heart of Sangam-dong.

He arrives at the intersection at the perfect time, eyes flickering to the traffic light changing from red to green.

He stays still, catches his breath for a moment and waits a bit more before flinging himself right into the heart of the traffic.

It’s wet and loud and chaotic—car horns blaring from all directions muffling the screams of some pedestrians—before he closes his eyes, launches himself forward, bracing himself for the impact.

It never comes.

X.

Jaemin wakes up before his alarm.

He opens his eyes, smiling as if the smile never really left his face in the first place.

He smiles with the eerie satisfaction that he has the power to die—well reset, earlier than scheduled.

He gets up from his bed, looks over at Jisung who’s still sound asleep over at the top bunk—perfectly at peace, perfectly unaware of how many times this particular day have been repeated over and over.

Jaemin looks at the taunting August 13 on his phone screen and finds that he’s not just going to wash his face today.

As he’s taking his time gently massaging his scalp under the moderate downpour of water from the shower head, he feels himself smiling again as he gets another idea.

It’s a little past ten in his watch when he steps out of the bus at Busan Central Bus Terminal.

The drops are steady and soft, falling from a sky of white velvet. The air is chilly but not too cold, already the right amount of refreshing for Jaemin who’s already getting the hang of the change in scenery.

He briefly looks at this phone, deciding if he’s curious enough to turn off airplane mode and watch his phone blow up with the calls and messages from the manager hyungs and members to whom he’s just sent a simple _Going out for a walk. Be back in a few! ^o^_ earlier as he boards the bus at the Seoul Express Bus Terminal in Seochu-gu.

But as the people around him continue to stride by the scattered puddles of rainfall in the asphalt, Jaemin thinks _“You deserve this break, Jaemin-ah.”_

He pockets his phone, zips up his hoodie and walks ahead to god knows where, smiling a little crazily to himself as he figures out his itinerary for today.

The day progresses with Jaemin just roaming around places near the terminal—strolling at Yongdusan Park, feasting on different varieties of _kimchi_ at Gukche Market, watching the sunset from high up at Busan tower—before he toys with the idea to be braver and go further, keeping in mind that if the accident won’t happen when he’s in Seoul, then it will happen anyways, right before the day ends, regardless of wherever Jaemin might be.

Because it turns out you can’t really conquer Busan in a day so by the end of his night, as he rides a cab back to Seoul, back into the arms of the inevitable accident that is waiting for him, Jaemin decides to keep on playing hooky until well—until he gets exhausted and finds something else to do.

So on his next August Thirteens, Jaemin explores the rest of Busan, and even the places near it.

He hikes the trails of Taejongdae, gets lost in the colorful murals of Gamcheon Cultural Village, revels on being on top of the world as he walks the transparent glass bridge that is the Oryukdo Skywalk. He even rides a bus to Gyeongju to relax at the hot springs at the Spring Dome. He watches the sunsets over and over from different beaches—from the white sands of Haeundae, from the quiet shores of Gwangalli, from a little high up the coast at the marshland of Dadaepo and from a boat docked at the northeast side of Songdo.

He realizes even if it’s technically the same sunset, it’s always a different experience watching it from a different place. And that no matter how many times he’s watched it, it will still be beautiful.

A couple more personal excursions later and he’s beginning to lose count of the days he’s hopped on a bus to Busan.

He’s lost track of how many times he’s sent _Going out for a walk. Be back in a few! ^o^_ to his manager hyungs, to his members and just not switching his phone ever for the rest of his day. He’s actually worried he might have caught a disease for loving Busan too much—the promise of escapism, even if it’s only a few hours from the inescapable reset.

It’s one evening during one of his escapades which he’s lost track of, when he stops on his tracks and leans on the ledge of the Gwangandaegyo bridge. His mind flies back to that brief part of his childhood spent in Busan. There’s not much memory remaining from then apart from his young self running on the shores of Songdo, happy and carefree, before his parents and him traded the quiet shores of Busan for the bustling streets of Seoul where Jaemin found purpose in speed skating and volunteer work, that was eventually replaced with a realization for a new dream upon a magical casting invitation to one of the biggest entertainment agencies in the country.

He’s bitter-sweetly smiling at the irony of wanting to see his parents again, maybe even taking them with him on his next trip here. He immediately shakes the idea away thinking they might not even make it here at the first place seeing as Jaemin’s clearly supposed to be in Seoul, promoting their latest comeback single and mini album.

He’s watching over the calm waves of Gwangalli beach when his mind briefly thinks of his members, of Jeno—of his answer of taking Jaemin back to the sea.

He takes out his phone, switches airplane mode off mode and grins as it blows up with all the messages everyone must have incessantly left him throughout the day. His fingers are hovering on a certain contact number when said contact number shows up on his screen, calling him.

Jaemin doesn’t think twice before answering it, thinking he shouldn’t be worried about consequences since his day is going to reset anyways.

“Jaemin, where the fuck have you been?”

“Hello to you, too, Jeno.”

“You have a lot of explaining to do, jeez. Everyone’s worried sick about you. And it’s your fucking birthday, idiot! You could have at least left a longer message for all of us.”

Jaemin feels himself smiling as Jeno keeps going on and on about his litanies of sermon towards him, towards him being so irresponsible. It doesn’t take too long until he’s laughing as he’s brushing away the strands of blonde hair from his face, swept away by the cold evening wind.

“Hey! This is no laughing matter, Jaemin-ah.” Jaemin hears shuffling from the other end of the line before it’s replaced with staggering breaths. “We thought you were dead.”

“Well, I’m not.” But it sure does feel that way, Jaemin thinks.

Jaemin hears a heavy sigh. “Can you at least tell me where you are?”

“Busan,” Jaemin replies simply, looking up at the sky seemingly wondering when will the rain start to fall. “You told me you want to take me back here so here I am.”

“Huh?”

Jaemin closes his eyes to laugh. Of course, Jeno doesn’t remember it. Technically speaking, Jeno hasn’t even told him this since that was a different timeline altogether.

“How was the recording earlier?” Jaemin deflects casually.

“Of course we were a wreck. But we managed.” Jaemin hears a begrudging sigh. “Jisung did your killing part.”

“They didn’t ask you to?”

“They did but I knew you’d want Jisung to take over that part.”

Jaemin smiles, wondering why Jeno still has such an effect on him even if it’s just a phonecall.

“You were right, Jeno,” he starts. “It’s so beautiful here.” The _I wish you were here, too_ rests on the tip of his tongue. There’s another heavy sigh from the other end.

“Can’t believe you went there a day ahead of our fansign,” Jeno says plainly.

“Oh right,” Jaemin mutters. He doesn’t want to admit he’s forgotten their schedule already. He’s still got a little fight left in him, he thinks.

“Did you go to the Haedong Yonggungsa Temple?”

Jaemin raises his eyebrow, feeling the wind seep through his skin. “Since when were you religious?”

“You could go there even if you’re not religious, okay,” Jeno explains and Jaemin just could already imagine the crease in the other’s forehead. “And besides, I’ll have you know the wish I made last time I went there was for you, Jaemin-ah.”

“What?”

There’s a quiet pause from Jeno’s end before he starts to speak again. The cold wind sends shivers through him as if to warn him from what he’s about to hear.

“My grandmother told me to wish for something I’d like to come true so I did.”

“And what wish might that be?”

There’s a beat of silence. Another. And another before a clicking sound of puzzle pieces fitting fill Jaemin’s mind.

“I wished that I could give you the best birthday ever.”

XI.

As soon as Jaemin wakes up this time, he quickly pads over to the far end of the hallway, and quietly lets himself into Jeno’s bedroom.

He gently shakes Jeno until the other slowly opens his eyes, surprised, clearly because of the look of determination that must be all over Jaemin’s face right now.

“Please be quiet for a second and listen to what I have to say,” he whispers.

Jeno blinks the sleepiness away but nods in response anyways. Jaemin takes a deep breath.

“You’re wearing blue Calvin Klein briefs and you’ve wished to give me the best birthday ever at some temple in Busan and now I’m doomed to repeat this day over and over unless I figure out how to undo your wish somehow.”

The series of faces Jeno makes is priceless. _But still adorable_, Jaemin thinks.

“Why do we have to undo my wish?” A forlorn look passes over Jeno’s face. “Why can’t we figure out how to make today the best day ever, instead?”

Jaemin’s shoulder sags a bit, but his stance remains firm. “I’ve gone thru today for too many times now, Jeno-ya. I don’t even know what the best version of today could be anymore.”

Jeno studies him for a moment before saying, “So what’s your plan?”

“I think I might have an idea how to break it.” Jaemin grins. “You in?”

It’s a little past ten in his watch when he steps out of the bus at Busan Central Bus Terminal.

The drops are steady and soft, falling from a sky of white velvet. The air is chilly but not too cold, already the right amount of refreshing for Jaemin who’s finally managed to start hoping again.

“Are you sure about this?” Jeno asks as he inches closer to him, some of his blonde hair sticking out of his hoodie. Jaemin tugs the other’s hoodie to sweep the hair inside, thinking there’s a higher chance of people recognizing them now because there’s two of them.

“I’m honored you chose me to spend today with.” A hint of crimson tints the other’s cheek. “Well, this today, at least.”

Jaemin smiles because he can’t help it.

“Who else would I possibly share this with?”

Jaemin watches Jeno throw his coin. The 500-won coin hits the bowl, misses it entirely and falls into the pond.

“We’re running out of coins, Jaemin-ah,” Jeno says worriedly. “Besides, I don’t think wishing for a wish to stop working actually works.”

Jaemin takes their last coin and directs his aim at one of the bowls. As he feels a gentle raindrop from his skin, he misses his aim. Their last 500-won coin falls into the water, just like all their other coins.

“This wishing pond is a scam,” Jaemin grits through his teeth, but proceeds to search the rest of his pockets as the rain starts to pour more, starting to soak their clothes, their hair, their skin. Jaemin is stopped by a hand on his arm.

“We have to go take cover,” Jeno says. “We don’t want you getting sick on your birthday.”

When he keeps quiet, Jeno takes it his cue to tug him by his wrist, leading the both of them into the nearby portion of the temple with roof. Jeno lets go of his hold on Jaemin’s wrist once they take shelter. Jaemin kind of misses the warmth.

“What’s your plan now?”

Jaemin heaves a sigh. “Try again tomorrow? Make sure to bring more coins when we do?”

“You’re still taking me?”

Jaemin is silenced at that, carefully turning to look at Jeno’s face, the other’s eyes are questioning before it softens to the crescents Jaemin’s always loved.

_Huh._

The rain is becoming heavier but the restless beating of his heart is louder, more chaotic but sure, very much sure in its intent to kiss the boy beside him.

He turns his attention back to the scenery, focuses on the heavy thud of the rain on the temple roof because no, Jaemin can’t kiss Jeno again, even if technically Jeno doesn’t really remember Jaemin kissing him in the first place.

Jaemin can’t kiss Jeno this early because then they’d have to deal with the part that comes later—_he’d_ have to deal with it, which he isn’t particular a big fan of. So naturally, he’d have to reset the day earlier than usual—the earliest in fact, as per Jaemin’s increasingly complicating memory.

So even if he’d very much like to, no, Jaemin just can’t possibly kiss Jeno right now.

  
Jaemin may not be the smartest person but he isn’t an idiot either.

When it’s officially announced to the rest of the members that he’s coming back to join them for _Empathy_, Jaemin knows the tingling feeling that Jeno’s hug gives him is not as platonic to him as he hoped it would feel.

There’s no mistaking it.

Jaemin likes Jeno—has liked him for a while.

He likes Jeno in a way that other male trainees gushed over the female trainees and vice versa. When Mark, Johnny and the others sometimes fawned over their crushes within the walls of the cloud-wallpapered practice room, Jaemin harbored his own feelings, kept them to himself. Because crushes eventually go away right?

Wrong. Jaemin was wrong.

Because he never got over this one particular crush on his fellow trainee, his best friend, his anchor in the wild, unpredictable world that is this field they’re trekking. He never got over Lee Jeno.

And it doesn’t help that through his break—that deeply troubling time where he feels like he’s suspended on air, on the brink of falling but not really—Jeno’s friendship remained constant: talking about agency gossips, the love lives of some of their members, their hopes, their fears, their secrets, their dreams—everything and nothing until the wee hours of the morning. It’s Jaemin who ends their calls most of the time, thinking Jeno still has an early practice in the morning but instead saying it’s him who has early morning check-ups and therapy for his back. Jeno always lights up at the mention of those, sounding eager for his sound recovery.

And that even if Jaemin’s optimism is starting to dwindle at some point, it’s Jeno’s _You’ll come back, Jaemin-ah. I’m sure of it_ that gets him through his darkest days of self-doubt.

And as Jaemin came back to them, Jeno welcomed him back with open arms, making him feel like he never really left and that somehow, Jaemin’s place in Jeno’s life remained as it is. Jaemin realizes then that perhaps no matter how many people might eventually come into Jeno’s life, Jaemin will never be replaced.

Well, of course, that’s how he’d like to think of it.

At this point he guesses he actually might be a little in love—seven years is too long to just count as a simple crush, after all.

But hey, he’s pretty sure feelings don’t have any place in the cutthroat world they breathe in. So Jaemin doesn’t really do anything.

And if Jeno somehow makes him feel special, going the extra mile when he does anything for him, Jaemin just takes it as a sign of Jeno’s kind-heartedness, just one of the many reasons Jaemin’s fallen in love with him. _Jeno’s kind to everyone, hyung,_ he reasoned to Mark once to which Mark only replied with a noncommittal hum, looking like he lost the fight to continue any further.

It’s nice though, to think that they might mean something, that maybe given the chance—perhaps in another life where they’re not NCT’s Na Jaemin and Lee Jeno—they could be something _more._

And sometimes, Jaemin actually deludes himself into thinking that it’s possible, in this lifetime, for Jeno to actually consider him as more than just a best friend, for them to actually date like the stupid leads in the dramas they sometimes watch with the members.

Other times, Jaemin actually forgets.

He forgets that the whole world may be watching because it’s just how they are.

That behind the camera, beyond the blinding lights of the stage, stripped from all the packaged personas the company wants them to emulate, they’re really just Jaemin and Jeno.

Jeno and Jaemin.

Two entities that might be separated by a conjunction but very much attached at the hip, very much aligned by the stars.

And sometimes, Jaemin would like to think there’s no such separation, that it’s an almost non-existent gap that can easily be breached, with a certain amount of effort, of course.

But everytime Renjun or any of the members tries to frame it that way, Jaemin brushes it off.

Jeno? Possibly in love with him?

It’s just not possible.

Perhaps, he’s just meant to settle with whatever they have. And honestly, Jaemin’s more than okay with it. He has to be.

Not everyone can be lucky enough to have someone that grounds them. Not everyone can smile and say they have a Lee Jeno to come home to.

And who knows, maybe as he’s called in front to deliver his toast as the best man to Jeno’s wedding to perhaps the luckiest person in the planet, Jaemin might be okay. Maybe then, he’d finally have gotten over this tiny er—massive hopeless crush at his best friend. At least, he hopes so.

“Whatcha thinking?” Jeno asks him, mid-chew of the _gopchang_ they ordered at the restaurant by the bus terminal. He’s wearing a large white shirt that says _I ♥ Busan_, a design that matches the black shirt version of it that Jaemin’s wearing. It’s the only type of clothing being sold at the souvenir stalls by the temple so they really had no other choice.

“Are you planning the rest of our day before we head back?” He looks at his watch because as Jaemin had instructed him, he’s also turned off his phone. “We still got a little over seven hours left before our bus leaves at six.”

“You already bought our tickets?”

Jeno nods as he swallows the rest of the _gopchang_ he’s chewing. “I think they’ll go easy on us with their sermon when we arrive home by the end of today. Renjun might be really mad at first but I think he’ll understand once you explain this whole time loop situation to him. He might even love it.” Jeno cuts himself off, his forehead creasing in worry as he seemed to have realized something.

“You’ve been skipping on everyone for so long now, haven’t you?”

Jaemin stills from sipping his _kalguksu_.

“How long has the loop been repeating, Jaemin-ah?”

Jaemin shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says honestly, looking at Jeno without the intention of hiding anything. “I lost count.”

He’s felt hopeless before, in his previous attempts to break free of this loop but somehow now, he just feels...burnt out. Maybe he should just give up, he thinks.

“Hey,” Jeno says, his right hand resting on top of Jaemin’s left one. “Let’s not worry about tomorrow and just celebrate today instead.”

Jeno beams at him and Jaemin feels himself doing the same, albeit not as bright as Jeno does it. The rain outside is still heavy but his heart is suddenly a little bit lighter.

“Let’s make this the best day ever, yes?”

After settling with just buying souvenirs for the members even if Jaemin is relentless in reminding Jeno of the reset, they find themselves in the middle of the bustling streets of Gukje market.

From random house appliances with discounts to the strangest-looking souvenirs Jeno brings to his face, Jaemin’s completely surprised at how much he is enjoying shopping with Jeno.

And as if they didn’t stuff themselves full with _gopchang_ earlier, they somehow get hungry again and stop over the food stalls to get their fill of _bibim naengmyeon_, a bit of _hotteok_ and a whole lot of _tteokbokki_.

And even if at some point, they start to feed each other like overly lovey dovey boyfriends, Jaemin just shakes it off and focuses on the bubbling happiness and warmth spreading in his chest.

The shores of Gwangalli are quieter, calmer compared to the loud shores of Haeundae with its field of parasols and hordes of locals and tourists alike strolling around its shores. A couple of trips to the beaches for the past couple of August Thirteens and here is Jaemin feeling like a Beach connoisseur.

After a stroll at Yongdusan Park and refusing Jeno’s wish of watching the sunset over at Busan tower, Jaemin’s managed to convince him that the sunset at Gwangalli is more romantic. Not that Jaemin wants it to be a romantic experience for them. No, definitely not.

“Are you thinking of how much you love the sea now?”

Jeno beams at him, the kind of smile that always gets Jaemin no matter the circumstance—including now, clearly. Jeno makes him feel so warm, so warm that Jaemin feels as if it’s enough to combat the cold from the rain that will inevitably fall upon them later that evening.

“It’s not everyday we get to enjoy the beach, Jaemin-ah. Might as well make the most of it.”

“You’re forgetting I’ve already been making the most of—”

_Splash._

Jeno grins from having splashed water straight to his face. “Hey, I’m talking here!” And he’s splashed again. “I’ll get you, just you wait and see, Lee Jeno.”

“Then come get me and prove it. You’re all bark and no bite, Na!”

It’s really unfair when Jaemin thinks about it. Because tomorrow, Jaemin’s going to be the only one to remember it. He’s not even sure if he still has enough energy to go thru with telling Jeno again tomorrow. For a moment he considers taking another member with him, thinking Renjun would be a pleasant company too, or Jisung, thinking that maybe the youngest could use a little bit of fresh air too, away from the hectic idol life that has swallowed a huge chunk of their respective lives in this lifetime.

But as they get tired of playing around, settling for sitting next to each other in comfortable silence, Jaemin wonders if he could just take Jeno again here tomorrow, just for the sake of taking Jeno.

He looks at Jeno who’s watching the horizon with wide eyes. “It’s beautiful,” Jeno says.

Jaemin follows his gaze, smiling to himself as he commits this moment to memory. “It is.”

The waves continue to gently crash against the shore caressing their bare feet as they watch the water gleam in the last rays of the setting sun.

And as they sit side by side at a bus on the way back to Seoul, with Jeno telling him _You can sleep on my shoulder this time,_ Jaemin closes his eyes, leans his head on Jeno’s shoulder, and allows himself into thinking that just for this moment, maybe he’s never truly alone.

  
<<

Between the two of them, Jeno always falls asleep first.

They were comfortably snuggled at their seats on the bus back to Seoul, back into the dorms with the rest of the members, back into the whirlwind of preparations for their comeback.

They have finished filming _Battle Trip_ smoothly and were assured by the production crew that they both did well and that editing will be challenging given how much fun they had during filming even if most of their initial itinerary didn’t push through because of the unending rain.

Jeno’s head was already slightly bobbing after only a few minutes of settling on his seat. Jaemin could even spot some of the drool the corner of the other’s mouth. The bus goes through a bump or two when Jaemin decides to position Jeno’s head into resting onto his shoulder.

“Must be nice being best friends with your band mate.”

It’s one of the writers for the show, smiling at the both of them from her seat on the other side. For a moment Jaemin wonders if she’s caught Jaemin, if she’s caught the unmistakable adoration in Jaemin then, and even during filming.

He doesn’t know what does it but somehow Jaemin feels it’s still okay. That at that very moment, it’s still okay to be honest.

“Yeah,” Jaemin replies simply. “It’s the best feeling in the world.”

As soon as they arrive back at the dorms, Jaemin knows everything’s back to normal. He knows he has to fit back into the mold he’s carefully carved for himself, a comfortable second skin for someone whose heart is made of glass but pretending that it isn’t.

He foregoes washing his face for doing some laundry. He’s a little bit behind schedule and even got a text from Jisung in the middle of filming _Battle Trip_. It warms Jaemin’s heart to know that he’s managed to teach the youngest some useful skill, at least.

His finger is hovering on the screen of phone to search for his choice of music as he does his laundry when he hears a knock on the door.

“Not sleeping yet?”

Jaemin hums in reply, takes in the sight of Jeno’s unstyled blonde hair, dripping wet, and the thick rimmed glasses perched on top of his nose. Jaemin sucks in a breath.

“Need help with that?”

Jaemin nods, his careful _Jaemin_ smile slithering in like second skin. For a brief moment, he considers letting his guard down. This is Jeno, after all. But Jaemin is tired, and a tired Jaemin usually don’t have a properly functioning filter.

Jeno lights up which Jaemin takes as his cue to turn to his dirty laundry. He starts separating the darks from the lights when Jeno stands by his side and helps him sort.

A couple or minutes or so pass before Jeno breaks the silence.

“Jaemin-ah?”

Jaemin hums in reply, not looking up.

“Jaemin-ah?”

Another hum.

“Jaemin-ah?”

Jaemin’s hand stills on his washed out denim jeans as he turns to Jeno. “What is it?”

He scans the other’s face to check if anything’s wrong. Jaemin sees dread, hesitation and a little bit of something he can’t quite point out. Jeno blinks once, twice before looking away, as per usual, similar to all other times when Jaemin gets a little too close, a little too personal.

“What is it, Jeno-yah?” Jaemin tries again. “Is everything okay?”

“Nothing,” Jeno breathes out, keeping his eyes away. “Everything’s okay.”

>>

They arrive at Seochu-gu at around ten in the evening.

Jeno leads them out of the bus, taking their bags of souvenirs with him. As they get off the bus with the cold evening air of Seoul hitting them, Jaemin instantly sees the familiar car parked nearby, sees a figure approaching them. Jaemin freezes in place, wanting to ask Jeno questions on how this was made possible.

Before he could even speak, he’s being pulled closer, arms wrapping around him tight and smothering.

“Happy Birthday, Jaemin-ah.”

Jaemin still can’t quite find the words as he takes sips and sips of the _miyeokguk_ in the red bowl of the first dining set he’s gifted his mom when he got his first paycheck as an idol.

“Slow down, honey,” his mom says. “We’ve even packed some of it for you to take home to Injun and the others.”

“Your mom’s right,” his dad says through a mouthful of _kimchi_. “She’s cooked enough for the entire neighborhood I think. She doesn’t even cook up a feast like this for me, son. All she does is—” Jaemin hears his Dad whine in pain, he looks up. “Ouch. Not in front of a guest, dear.”

“Jeno’s not a guest, you fool,” his mom chastises as he spares Jeno a brief glance. “He’s practically family so you have no excuse of avoiding the wrath of these hands.”

“Who else could put up with you, honestly.”

Jaemin leans back, braces his hands at the wooden floorboards and laughs through their bickering, realizing that he’s truly missed his folks so much. They’re so loud and bickery and both so hot-headed and Jaemin’s missed every inch of the chaos that came with all of it.

“Finish your soup before it gets cold, Jaemin-ah,” his mom supplies before turning to Jeno. “Does he always eat so slow like this? Is he even eating properly? _Aigoo_. I could have sworn his cheeks thinned a bit from the last time he paid us a visit.”

Jeno smiles, finishes chewing his food with a pop before answering, “He’s always taking his time like this, _eomoni_. But he’s eating well. We’ve been working out too did he tell you? So we can’t really afford to eat less.”

“Good to hear that,” his dad exclaims, clasping his hands together. “His mom here keeps on comparing random photos of Jaemin from the internet going on and on about he might not be taking care of himself well.”

Jeno shakes his head. “He’s taking care of himself very well.” Jaemin could spot the slight reddening of the other’s ears as the other scratches his neck. “He’s taking care of all of us too, actually. So really, I should be the one apologizing here.”

His mom goes bright-eyed at that, leaning forward at the table. “No need for apologies, really. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t have seen him today.”

Jaemin’s stomach coils.

He almost forgot about the reset. He quickly takes out his phone, his heart beating erratically as he sees that there’s less than an hour left before midnight. He thinks on his feet and is about to proposition for the both of them to stay the night when Jeno beats him to it.

“This is really embarrassing to leave like this but I better get going now,” Jeno says, making a move to stand up.

Jaemin quickly shoots his arm to stop the other.

There’s no fucking way Jaemin’s about to let Jeno leave, not when Jeno could very well be stepping into the arms of the accident that has single-handedly stolen Jaemin’s sanity.

“Jaemin-ah?”

_Fuck the loop_, Jaemin thinks.

“I’m going with you.”

<<

It’s five months from when he first stepped into SM’s Cheongdam building when he pads over to Jeno’s dorm room and finds a crying Jeno.

Jaemin is not the type to cry. He knows pain of course, mostly frustration, especially having been accustomed to it on a regular basis ever since he chose the trainee life. It’s the most difficult after Monthly Evaluations where heartbreak ensues from having been told variations of _You can try harder. You have to, if you want to debut._

Even if they mostly got along with Mark, Donghyuck, Jisung and a couple of senior trainees, somehow Jaemin and Jeno stuck to each other like glue, most especially at times like these.

Or so Jaemin had thought.

Jaemin slowly steps forward, closing the door behind him.

“I was wondering where you ran off to,” Jaemin starts, placing the wrapped dinner he got for Jeno on the small table by the foot of Jeno’s bed. “The ahjumma fried it well, just the way you like it.”

He takes off his shoes and sits down on Jeno’s bed, mirroring the way he’s sitting, folded legs to his chest.

“Not hungry,” Jeno mumbles, hastily wiping his tears away with the back of his hands. He looks at Jaemin once then goes back to cradling his knees, face down on them.

“They said my moves were too sharp and excited,” Jaemin tells him. “They told me to improve on harmonizing how I move, whatever that means.”

Jeno remains quiet but the slight raise in his eyebrow tells Jaemin he’s listening.

“Everyone else got not-so nice feedbacks too, even Mark hyung,” Jaemin mutters.

Jeno’s forehead creases and he makes that confused sound Jaemin has grown fond of.

“Yep,” Jaemin says with a pop. “We all sulked together over dinner earlier. Donghyuck was the loudest of course, especially after hearing how Mark hyung kinda messed up too.”

Jeno cracks into a weak grin as he gently bumps his shoulder onto Jaemin’s. Jaemin offers one in return.

“You don’t have to go through this alone,” Jaemin says. “Not now, not ever.”

Jeno looks at him, and somehow, even without words, Jaemin knows he said the right thing.

>>

Jaemin doesn’t make a big deal of it when his mom and dad bid him goodbye.

They exchange hugs and a whole lot of kisses, mostly from his mom who’s most definitely been vocal about missing him so much. But he doesn’t tell them that this is the first time in days—maybe in weeks even—that he’d seen them and that he isn’t really too sure he could still see them again tomorrow. Jaemin hasn’t quite figured out that part yet.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” Jeno asks him once he gets into the backseat with Jaemin. “And more importantly, why couldn’t you have just stayed with them? I’m pretty sure a ten-wheeler truck can’t hit you in the comfort of your own home, Jaemin-ah.”

“And let you die on your own?” Jaemin leans on his seat, closes his eyes as he hears the first drops of rain starting to fall outside. “If you’re that mad, you can come with me again tomorrow but then again what’s the point in telling you this now if you’re not gonna remember tomorrow.”

“Hey.”

There’s an insistent nudge on his shoulder. Jaemin opens his eyes, facing Jeno, who’s mirrored the way he’s sitting. “You can take someone else tomorrow, I won’t be mad.” Jeno smiles at him, the few lights from outside bathing his face in fading glows. “Like you said, I won’t remember anyways.”

Jaemin laughs, closing his eyes in frustration, the _But I want to be with you the most_ dies on his tongue as he almost wants to drive their taxi straight into the nearest shop they could find to just end it all because Jeno is _so_ frustrating, even for a time loop veteran like Jaemin.

“But you know you can still tell me about the loop, right?” The promise in the other’s voice is almost too good to be true. Jaemin hums in response and opens his eyes to the sight of an intersection a few blocks ahead. _Any minute now_, he thinks bitterly.

“The briefs is a smart move, really. But how will you be telling the others when you do take them instead of me? Are you going to have to check their underwear too? Jisung might be the toughest one to crack. As you know, the kid’s extremely shy.”

Jeno’s just mumbling now and normally Jaemin finds it adorable and maybe right now he still kind of does, but he just can’t really pin down what emotion he’s supposed to feel knowing the reset is in their midst.

Their taxi slows down as it nears the intersection when he sits up and finally speaks up again, still looking at the road ahead.

“Hey, Jeno,” he says without really looking at Jeno yet.

“Huh?”

“Thank you for going with me to Busan in the first place, even if I probably didn’t make any sense to you at six am.” He clicks his tongue, keeps looking ahead. “Thank you for letting me see my parents.”

His lips curl upwards.

“It’s been a really nice August 13 and well, it wouldn’t have been this nice if not for you so—” Jaemin turns to Jeno who’s apparently looking ahead too. So quiet. So still. “Thank you, Jeno. I’ll probably thank you again tomorrow, because honestly nothing could ever top today even if we didn’t get to shoot one single coin earlier.”

His heart feels ten times lighter as he looks back at the road ahead, the rain outside sort of lulling any restlessness remaining in his system.

That’s right. Jaemin can do this again. Fuck the universe and whoever is running the clownery that is this never-ending August 13. Jaemin can go over this day, a million times more as long nobody really ends up dying in the process.

“Jeno,” Jaemin starts, looking at the traffic light, two cars before them, counting down its remaining seconds before shifting from green to red. “You have to get out of the car right now.”

“What?”

Jaemin turns to Jeno, already mildly aware of the cars in front of them slowing down, not wanting to beat the red light. “There’s no way out of the loop for me. But you don’t have to be a part of it.”

“What the fuck are you saying?”

“When you were all in the car with me before, we all fucking died, Jeno!” Jaemin feels himself seething. “The car didn’t miss that one time and it all felt too real and I was so fucking scared for being in the same car with all of you.”

“So what you’re saying is you’re just choosing to die again, alone and then just—”

“As if I have any fucking choice?” Jaemin spits with venom, and all of the frustration in his system. He sees the countdown of the traffic light, seconds away from its shift from red to green. “I can die on my own and relive today, thank you very much. Been doing that for God knows how long now. I don’t need your help, Jeno or anyone else’s.”

“I’m not getting out. I’m not leaving you, Jaemin. I won’t.”

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?” Jaemin turns to Jeno, briefly witnessing the traffic light turning to green, and now mostly mad at how thick-skulled his best friend is. “We could both die and that’s that!”

“Then we die together!”

The lights outside bathe Jeno’s feature in the most intimate way possible.

“But you don’t have to,” Jaemin weakly protests.

“But I want to.”

Jaemin’s chest squeezes.

“Let me stay.” Jeno pleas. “Let me do this for you.”

“Why’s that?”

Jeno fumbles with his hands, seemingly wanting to reach out to him. To _Jaemin_.

“I like you, Jaemin-ah,” Jeno blurts out.

The gears inside Jaemin’s head stop for a brief moment.

“I might even love you?” Jeno runs his hands through his blonde hair in frustration. “I don’t know. If we die then maybe I’ll never know for sure.” Jaemin focuses on the movement, on the dark tips of Jeno’s hair that have grown back, focuses on everything else but the look in Jeno’s face.

Jaemin hears a sigh before looking straight into the eyes of the other, open, waiting and wanting.

“Funny how I could only say this to you in the face of something like this,” Jeno jokes.

Before Jaemin knows what he’s doing, his hands reach out to the other’s. There’s so much he wants to ask, so much he wants to say, so much he wants to spill from the depths of his aching weary heart.

He takes in the reddening of the other’s cheeks visible even in semi-darkness, the other’s unkempt blonde hair that softly frames his face. Jaemin thinks Jeno couldn’t possibly even more beautiful.

Jeno repeats _I like you, Jaemin-ah_ in an almost-whisper that it’s almost drowned by the sound of the rain and the sound of a fast moving vehicle that suspiciously sounds similar to Jaemin.

He feels the cab moving before the driver abruptly steps on the brakes. Jaemin lurches forward as his other hand lets go of Jeno’s to hold onto the headrest in front of him.

“Reckless driver!” Their driver scoffs, seemingly wanting to curse the hell out of the driver of the speeding truck, a ten-wheeler trailer truck that flies out of nowhere even if the traffic light has already turned to green. “You folks, okay back there?”

“Yes, I think we’re okay,” Jeno responds for them, hands immediately reaching out to Jaemin’s face, eyes roaming up and down Jaemin’s body to check for anything. “You’re okay, right, Jaemin?”

“It’s already past midnight and we still get fuckers on the streets,” the driver bites.

Jaemin’s hand scurries his pocket for his phone, and he almost drops it as he sees the 12:01 on top of his screen.

A gasp escapes from his lips.

“Fuck.” Jaemin faces his phone towards Jeno. “I think we broke the loop.”

<<

Jaemin had never really taken note of when the fall happened.

But he’s certain when it all became clear.

After calling it a day, practicing the choreo for Black on Black again for two times more after everyone else had left to go back home to the dorms, Jaemin allows himself to sit down and finally catch his breath.

He leans back on the mirror, feeling the sweat dripping from his forehead when he hears footsteps approach him. He doesn’t even have to look up to see who it might be.

There’s a bottle of water raised to his cheek, condensation clinging to Jaemin, when he finally decides to look at his generous provider.

“Thought you already left with everyone earlier?”

“Me?” Jeno smiles at him, even through his creased eyebrows. “And leave you here all by yourself?”

The other plops down next to him, leans back on the mirror, mirroring his position. “You think so low of me, Jaemin-ah.”

Jaemin lets out a laugh. Contrary to Jeno’s public image of being the non-fun member, he’s actually one of the members who make Jaemin laugh the most. Or maybe, Jaemin’s just a little bit biased.

“Seriously,” Jeno starts as Jaemin uncaps the bottle. “You’re practicing a choreo for 18 people, Jaemin, beyond our designated practice hours.”

Jaemin continues to chug the bottle of water as if his life depended on it.

“You could have asked me and Renjun and some of the others to stay. I’m sure they won’t mind.”

Jaemin empties his bottle to the last drop, wiping some of it that got on his face with the back of his hand.

“You don’t always have to do it alone, you know.”

Jaemin doesn’t have to look at Jeno to know that there’s a crease in the other’s forehead. It comes with the years of knowing someone, Jaemin guesses.

“I appreciate the sentiment,” Jaemin says as he puts the cap back on his bottle. “But I wanted some time for myself too, I guess.”

“We won’t know what’s wrong if you won’t tell us Jaemin-ah.”

Jaemin turns to look at Jeno, who’s in turn carefully looking at him too. The other’s jetblack hair makes him even more handsome than Jaemin’s remembered. And he’s so close to the touch, that if Jaemin just gets a little brave enough, he can bridge the gap and just—

“Jaemin?”

He lets out a sigh, can’t help the sadistic grin that makes its way to his lips. “I’m really okay, Jeno. You don’t have to worry about me all the time.”

Jaemin should have known then that he had the acting chops because it seems like Jeno’s bought it and is then quiet for ten minutes or so before Jaemin finally announces it’s time for him to wash so they could go home.

It’s when they arrive at the dorm when Jaemin learned that falling for Jeno is a limitless state of freefall.

Apparently, Jeno had coaxed everyone into preparing another sort of homecoming dinner for Jaemin, making the meals they learned to make during Jaemin’s hiatus.

Except for Donghyuck’s rich-flavored kimchi rice, all the other meals could have been cooked better. But just the simple thought that he’s back with them and will be more than able to cook for them, alongside them, and _with them_ has Jaemin’s heart growing fonder and fonder.

Some time, farther into the night, the manager hyungs had agreed for Mark and Donghyuck to sleep over. Chenle’s parents even let him stay over. A buzzing kind of excitement permeates the air and for a moment Jaemin’s hit with the realization that even though change is all around him and is unstoppable—New wallpapers plastered over what used to be SM’s brand of clouded practice room walls, the change in rooming in their dorms, the replaced furniture, the new additions—maybe he’ll still have some things to hold on to.

And as he feels a dip in his bed after Donghyuck’s announcement of taking over’s Jeno’s bed which according to him is the best bed in the dorm, Jaemin smiles to himself.

“What are you so happy about?” Jeno whispers, lying down in a position mirroring Jaemin’s.

“Nothing,” Jaemin assures him with a grin. ”I’m just really happy I’m back.”

Silence passed between them before Jaemin finally let the waves of slumber take him, that he doesn’t know if he heard it right when he heard a _I’m happy you’re back, too._

That night he slept to his heart’s content, his most peaceful sleep since he returned.

>>

XII.

Jaemin wakes up before his alarm.

It’s one of his favorite days of the year, alongside his parents’ birthdays, his _haelmoni’s_ birthday, Christmas, New Year, Lunar New Year, White Day. It’s almost as special as his own birthday, actually.

The sun hasn’t quite risen yet, just how Jaemin likes his mornings.

Jaemin makes no move to get up, and instead settles on his side to watch Jeno, still sleeping peacefully, his face only a couple of inches from his.

He and Jeno have sneaked in quietly upon arriving back at the dorms and after having concluded that sneaking back in his room isn’t a good idea due to the chance—albeit slim—of waking up Jisung, Jaemin charmed his way into Jeno’s bed to which Jeno surprisingly agreed. It must have been the confession that did it, Jaemin thinks.

And now here they are, sharing the Loki comforter he bought together with Jeno at Dongdaemun last Christmas, huddled together in Jeno’s mattress that fortunately can fit two people.

And here Jaemin is, still very much in love, maybe more than ever, with this stupid boy who’s stupid enough to risk his life so that Jaemin won’t face death—er the reset, alone.

Jaemin absentmindedly reaches out for his phone, sees the August 14 sitting prettily on the screen, the prettiest sight that Jaemin has been fantasizing about, apart from the sleeping handsome face of Jeno beside him.

As he places back his phone on the desk, he feels movement on the bed.

“Good morning, Jaemin-ah,” Jeno mumbles, eyes opening for a fraction of a second before closing again.

It’s a reminder that it’s just the loop that has been crossed out in Jaemin’s list of priorities. And that now, the next item must be settled, even if it’s before the crack of dawn. Because if there’s one thing Jaemin learned, it’s courage, albeit laced with a certain brand of foolishness.

“Jeno-yah,” he tries, inching closer.

Jeno hums, eyes still closed.

“Jeno-yah.”

Another hum.

“Jeno-yah,” he tries, with more conviction this time.

Jeno’s eyes open sleepily, lashes fluttering to life before his eyes settle on Jaemin. It’s Jaemin’s cue.

“I like you,” he breathes out. “I like you so much, Jeno.”

There’s a beat of silence, enough for something like anguish to dance in the other’s eyes.

Jeno makes a move to turn his back away from Jaemin but Jaemin beats him to it, his hands reaching out to stop Jeno from doing so. Instead, Jeno sits upright. Jaemin follows. Jeno’s laid his heart out last night. It’s high time Jaemin lays out his.

“Listen to me,” Jaemin pleas, body completely facing Jeno whose body is completely turned away from his. “Listen to me, please?”

Jeno’s forehead creases. “Don’t—” he closes his eyes, frustration marring his features. “Don’t say it just because I said it first.”

Jaemin loses it.

He lets out a laugh, the heartiest he’s had for a while now, ever since the loop began. He’s got his hand on his stomach, the other covering his mouth because he’s too _happy_.

“Hey,” Jeno taunts. “Are my feelings a joke to you?”

Jaemin quiets down, but his heart continues to beat erratically against his ribcage. He’s too happy, too ecstatic. Too in love.  
Jaemin’s mind says _Fuck it_.

He leans in in an instant, steals a kiss on the other’s lips.

It lasts no more than a second before Jaemin pulls away, but not too far away, just enough distance for their breaths to hover closely around each other.

Jeno is frozen, blonde hair adorably sticking out everywhere but he looks so...soft. Jaemin kind of wants to kiss him again.

“Your feelings aren’t a joke to me Jeno,” Jaemin starts, fingers itching to grab onto the other’s oversized white shirt. “But mine aren’t either,” he continues, leaning away, but body still completely facing Jeno’s. Jaemin’s not yet finished in saying his piece.

“I’ve liked you for a long time, Jeno-yah,” he says honestly. “Too long of a time now, actually.” He feels a smile on his lips, an unsure kind of smile, but very much brimming with honesty, with his heart.

“Oh,” Jeno says.

“Yeah,” Jaemin says dumbly.

A smile appears on the other’s lips, the kind of smile that reaches his eyes. Jaemin’s favorite Jeno smile. It hits differently now, because Jaemin knows he’s the one that caused it, that his confession caused it.

Jaemin is so in love with Jeno, damn it.

He’s too lost in his own feelings that he doesn’t notice Jeno leaning in, grabbing him by his shirt, stealing a kiss from his lips.

Jaemin returns it.

They kiss some more, in shy intervals, with the lightest of pressures, each kiss laced with the earnestness of having found home in each other. Jaemin’s hands move on their own, settling on the other’s waist, supporting him as they deepen their kisses a little more. They kiss a bit more as if they have all the time in the world.

There are set of knocks on the door. And another. And another.

Jaemin pulls away first, but not completely, his lips only a few breaths away from Jeno’s.

“You have ten minutes before Shihyun hyung and the other manager hyungs get here,” Renjun says from the other side of the door. He sounds scary but doesn’t quite sound angry. “And two minutes to make yourselves decent and come up with an acceptable explanation for missing yesterday.” Okay, Jaemin spoke too soon.

Jaemin and Jeno exchange nervous glances as they disentangle, trading smiles that are a second away from becoming outright laughs.

“We know you’re awake and very much sitting on Jeno’s bed together,” Renjun chastises. “The both of you got a lot of explaining to do.” Renjun sighs heavily. “Two minutes!”

Once Jaemin’s sure Renjun has completely stepped away from the door, he grins at Jeno. “How do we do this?”

“Slowly?” Jeno answers quickly. He briefly covers his face with his hands, a hint of blush colors his cheeks up to the tips of his ears. “Is there a manual for this?”

“I don’t think so, unfortunately,” Jaemin says lovingly, before completely ridding himself of Jeno’s Loki comforter. He gets up, smiles cheesily, completely lovestruck, as he offers his right hand out to Jeno.

“But hey, if we broke a time loop, who’s to say we can’t work our way through anything? So—” He looks at Jeno with all the love in his heart bursting out of its seams. “You in?”

Jeno smiles, takes his hand as he gets up before wrapping his hands around Jaemin’s neck, bringing Jaemin’s lips to his, to give Jaemin the answer he’s waiting for.

_“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes,”_ Jeno whispers in between kisses, that Jaemin returns with equal fervor, with equal sincerity, his hands slowly finding themselves on Jeno’s back wrapping the other in his embrace.

They have a fansign in Busan later, a couple of music shows, and numerous radio guestings for the rest of the week, for the rest of the month, and perhaps a couple of that and more in the unforeseeable future.

But as Jeno smiles and giggles in between the kisses they share, and holds onto him tighter, Jaemin thinks that perhaps it’s okay.

Perhaps, _it’s worth it_ to be swept away in this current.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, you! Thank you for making it this far and finishing this attempt at a time loop fic. I’d like to thank Ate Pam, Jeremy, Ate Mayi, Kristel, Jodie, Dani and Daniella, the ladies who held my hand and provided the much-needed support even if I barely revealed any detail as I was asking them things. 
> 
> And lastly, thank you, Nana. For being my muse, my inspiration. Your warmth, kindness and energy have moved me to brave the waters of writing so, really. This is for you. :’)
> 
> I appreciate any type of feedback! <3 Also, please let me know in the comments if there should be additional tags so as to help future readers on managing their expectations/mindset before going into this fic. You can also talk to me on [twt](https://twitter.com/jaemjaemis) or on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/cinemas)! Have a great day! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


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